Remember, Memory serves well
I have recently dropped back into some old unhealthy habits. After getting back from Denver. I was actually + money. I actually made money from the trip. One typical sports bet when I got home and I was in good shape. I proceeded to spend the next 5 days hanging out with old friends from Denver. Drinking and gambling for 3 of those nights. Just this short bit of consistent contact with alcohol and degenerate gambling sank deep.
Without much of a thought all of my progress over the past 2 years was ignored. Spending time in Denver with a group of friends then coming back to Vegas to spend time with my previous friend of negativity was too much. I have been shown again that my sensibilities are much clearer and positive when used on my own. My personal thoughts are solid and very defined when Im alone. Solitude is my way. Some of us are loners.
In a group there is a familiarity makes it easy to lose yourself. The ideas of this group do not match my own personal ideals. Though the toxins of alcohol in my body felt exciting. The thrills of gambling lit up my life. For a few days I was lost in a cloud that can only be matched by what it took me 4 years to build up to, back in Colorado. All positive progress gone in a matter of moments. Insane alcoholic binges, $1000s of dollars flying at your fingertips and waking up with only fleeting images of what happened. Knowing only you have to chase it all down again the next day. I recognized quickly this time that this is not a path to follow.
What took me 2 years of personal contemplation to realize previously was all reenacted over the course of a 12 day scenario. I relived it all. Apparently I didn’t learn all the lessons that I should have from the original experience. All gradual effects were gone everything came instantaneously once I stopped to think. This time the mind torment was fast, the thoughts came like lightning. What are you doing? Why are you doing it? What is this going to solve? Why are you here? Whats the outcome of all this? There has to be more to life.
I have known this MORE we speak of and I know how to find it again. Shed all the negative habits. Eat pure living food. Exercise regularly. Chase all dreams. Follow the joyful feelings. Now I sit cross legged in the middle of my living room. Concentrating on my breathing. Breathe in all the energy of the world. Breathe out all the misconceptions of my past. Breathe in silence, peace, and solitude. Breathe out Love. Know myself and start again.Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoy my writing please check out my sponsors below and see if any of their products work out for you. Thanks for clicking.
I think those habits are so easy to get into when surrounded by others because so often people's expectations of us shape who we are in that moment. If the people you were with remember you as the person you were a few years ago, and you have changed significantly since then but they haven't been around to see it, they will expect you to still be the you they remember best.
I had an experience last night where I slipped into someones expectations of me, even though this person didn't know me at all, and the expectations he had didn't fit me at all, old habits or new. The power of suggestion (or expectation, I guess) can be very powerful indeed.
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This is totally what I was saying. Thanks for deciphering it. My biggest problem with the situations is that being the generally loner type that I am I like to make things easy for everyone. Therefore I neglect my own ideas and dont bring up my personal thoughts to the group because I would rather see everyone having fun. Before I know it their ideas are running rampant on my sensibilities.
People that are true friends enjoy understanding the new things that are going on in your life. New thoughts, ideas and lifestyles are always topics of conversation amongst good friends.
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